Wicked Welding

Wicked Welding
Wicked Welding
What do you think of my poem?

Plate

I feel the madness is milling in my emotions
Kissing me in my act wiring and lighting sick entangled
Anvils and hammers wicked circle directing the still dance
And birds sing like paint
Violins

The bar is empty
And let to a crows bed
By window I look and see to matter
Visions of a world amongst flowers and rain
For remembrances of a better independence still haunts my silhouette

A memory is made by my pen
The words beaten out and blown like a forged sword
In rings magical and material are the complexities of a black smith weld
High up in his tower forever chained wielding a shackled mind
Forgotten amongst the atomic smoke plumes rising from every living shape

not bad at all; rather expressive in a rather unique way which i don`t see often.
however, i`m not sure if you`re using a particular set of vocabulary because you want to convey a particular kind of imagery; if so, it`s done rather well. however. i get the impression that some of these words; you know them because of the context in which you read them in fantastic novels or something of the sort, and you don`t quite have a full command of their meaning; however, i`m sure that`s something that you`ll get well in time the more that you write.

all in all, it`s rather good.
the first stanza is particularly effective in conveying the idea “madness…milling in my emotions” because of how fragmented the whole stanza seems – split apart and possibly irrelevant but at the same time, connected by some unseen seams that make sense to you more than they do to me.
also, the lack of any formal structure or rhyme scheme reinforces that idea.

i already commented on the last stanza, and the second stanza i`ll write about in context of the whole –

it seems pretty good because the first stanza sets the setting of madness and confusion, while the story [so to speak] progresses as you look to the window and see a scene of peace, but then the clarity of confusion and multitude of your emotions is once again made clear by the third stanza.

seems a rather depressing/sad end to the poem tho`.
all in all, rather you intended it to or not, the poem does a good job of conveying your emotion. to get the meaning, i feel that one has to read it as both fragments and a whole.

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